First Entry-*Numb Pain..Oh the Joy!*

everything seems to be a blur...

i don't know why i'm thinking this way...but, i finally feel alive, for once. I feel my chest go up and down. I realize, i'm actually breathing...which is good. I feel that there's a cool feeling when you face the air conditioner. And that's the feeling i love the best. A wonderful cool feeling...

That's what i feel on the outside

The inside is a whole different story...

I don't feel a cool sensation anywhere inside me. Specially near the chest and the temples. I don't feel anything at all inside me. Because, they're all numb. I guess i finally mastered the art of controlling the pain inside the body. Because, i've been hurt so many damn times, my inners finally had mercy on me. They finally eased the pain up, by not being painful! Making sense now?...

I blame everything on his smile...
On his laugh...
On the way he asks for a pencil everytime we have a pop quiz.
But that's just him. And I have no choice but to give in to his boyish charms, and giggle silently inside my head.

But, why the heck am i falling for him?
I have someone waiting for me...and he has someone right there for him. And the worst part is, he doesn't know that every night, I keep thinking about what if's...

...i don't know why, but i hate the feeling of numb pain.


-Jenna

Hi...i'm Jenna *the intro*

Living in a small town has its ups and downs. For one thing, our town Denton, Massachusetts is so quiet and peaceful. And i love that. On cloudless random nights, you can really concentrate on yourself....you know, because everything is just...well...quiet. The bad news about living in a small town, is that everybody knows everybody else's business. I guess that's one thing i would cross out of 'the things i love about denton' list.

Secretly, I love to write. And I guess that's why I'm writing now. I haven't told my family about my passion yet, because none of them will believe me.

I let everything out on every piece of paper i could find. I even sometimes scribble my feelings on anywhere that is a clean surface. Not including furniture and the walls. Like---> Hate.Love.Desire.Passion.Confused.Angered....You know that sort of thing.

I know I'm not like everyother small town girl out there. Girls who are the stereotypes from small towns. Girls who get their guitars and sing their hearts out on country blues. Girls who raise farm animals hoping that one day, they will get to Hollywood.

No. I am not and will never be that girl. Because I don't have any intention to be some big star. The only I want is for my best friend-Tyler, to notice that I'm the girl he's been waiting for the whole time.

I guess you'll be hearing alot about him in the near future. But I'll tell you one thing about him.
He's the boy I first held hands with in the first grade when I accidentally took his blue crayon away from him.


I'm currently a high school junior. Thank God for that. I've been a small town girl my whole life and I know what it's like to get trampled on every single day of your life.

The entries I will write are the things that have happened, the things that might happen, and the things I want to happen...

Oh yeah, I'm Jenna McCoy. And this is my journal